The Blackstone Code: Episode 4

 

The story so far:  Professor Padraig O’Riordan, an expert in football cryptography at the University of Liffey (formerly Dublin Polytechnic), is visiting Preston when the curator of the National Football Museum, Jack Salter, is murdered, but Salter has mutilated himself in order to leave a clue.  Tara Farmer-Palmer (TF-P), the local constabulary’s football cryptographer, helps O’Riordan to escape from Chief Inspector Freddie Flintoff, who suspects that O’Riordan may be the culprit, in a Chieftain tank.  However, Flintoff and DS Jeremiah Fuzzyduck are in pursuit.  Now read on…

 

          The Chieftain tank turned onto the M6 Preston By-Pass.

          “OK, now we’re out of Preston, where do we go ?” asked T F-P.

          “Well, you know that cryptic clue that Jack Salter wrote on the floor in his own blood ?” said O’Riordan.

          “You mean ‘Blame sick token. Now sob true fish-face.’”

          “It’s an anagram of ‘Mike Blackstone.  The Brown Sauce Is Off.’”

          “So ?” queried T F-P.

          O’Riordan wondered why he had to explain all this to someone who was an expert in the same field as him.  But his sideline as a pulp novelist made him realise that to present it as a dialogue was the only way to avoid a long, dull explanatory paragraph.  However, this may look rather clumsy if it were to be made into a film without the help of a good script writer.

          “So,” said O’Riordan.  “That book is the key to everything.”

          “…and we’re going to Morecambe to see Mike Blackstone ?” interjected T F-P.

          The writer in O’Riordan calculated that it would be far easier to base a story on someone who was long since dead and with no living relatives.

          “No, I believe that Mike Blackstone is too secretive and will not be willing to talk about this.  And besides I think he’s at a Groundhoppers’ Weekend and Fleetwood Hesketh v. Crooklands Casuals is a 2am kick-off,” he said.  “But three people are acknowledged at the start of the book: Derek Coates, Hugh Elwood and Steve Field.  They may be able to help us.”

 

 

          Flintoff and Fuzzyduck were questioning Private Parts, who had ‘loaned’ O’Riordan and T F-P the Chieftain tank, at Kimberley Barracks.

          “So you say two people took the tank,” queried Flintoff.

          “Yes, yes,” stammered the young TA Private. “A man who said nothing and a woman, a posh woman, who said she was a Captain in the Queen’s Lancashire Regiment volunteers.”

          “Farmer-Palmer !” exclaimed Fuzzyduck.

          “Where did they go ?” barked Flintoff.

          “I don’t know !” replied the exasperated Pte Parts, now sweating profusely.

DI Flintoff suddenly burst into song for no apparent reason: “I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I’m miserable now.”

DS Fuzzyduck wondered whether he had suddenly become part of a Dennis Potter-style TV play, and that camp dancers dressed as policemen were about to flounce in, or whether to section Flintoff under the Mental Health Act.  Flintoff realised that there was no music playing and that no-one had joined in.  He coughed nervously and tried to pretend nothing had happened.

“Sir,” said Fuzzyduck.  “How difficult would it be to find a Chieftain tank in the middle of the night in Lancashire ?”

 

 

          O’Riordan pondered the three names.

          “Well, I believe Derek Coates lives on Merseyside and a Chieftain tank might not look out of place on the streets of Liverpool…” mused O’Riordan.

          “Maybe in the Eighties,” replied T F-P.

          “Besides, I think that he would just spin us one of his stories of non-existent City players from the Fifties…”

          “Hugh Elwood – The Teacher ! Of course !” cried T F-P.

          “But Newcastle’s a hell of a way to go at this time of night,” replied O’Riordan.

          “Then Steve Field it is,” said T F-P.  “Where does he live ?”

          “Not sure, but he did mention driving down the A6 to Leigh.  Have you got a map of Lancashire ?” asked O’Riordan.

          “What ? In a tank ? Where exactly ? In the glove box ?” snapped T F-P.

          “OK. OK. It may have been a stupid question. I think we may need to ditch the tank.”

 

 

          Flintoff and Fuzzyduck returned to the Incident Room in the National Football Museum.

          “Inform all officers to be on the look out for a Chieftain tank,” barked Flintoff.

          “And if they spot it, do you want to get O’Riordan and Farmer-Palmer in the interview room to see if they’ll sing ?” asked Fuzzyduck sarcastically.

          Flintoff glared at his junior unamused, but said nothing as he would never live it down back at the station.

 

 

          “If we get rid of the tank how do we get to Steve Field’s ?” queried T F-P.

          “Well,” said O’Riordan.  “I had planned to go to Carnforth Station, where they filmed Brief Encounter.  But that’s north of Morecambe, so let’s go to Lancaster (formerly known as Forton) Service Station, leave the tank and get a taxi.”

          “A taxi ? At this time of night ?!” said T F-P.

          “Well, it’s more likely than public transport.  We can have a coffee and I can tell you more about this whole thing.”

 

To be continued…

Any resemblance of any of the characters to any person, living or dead, particularly Steve Field, is purely coincidental.